Churches are not buildings but people from all different walks of life who have accepted the gift of salvation and know Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. Yet this is not the end of the story. Each one of us is a work in progress; therefore we are all constantly shifting and changing as we learn to embrace all that is ours in Christ. This is not always easy since there can be deep-rooted issues in our lives that we may not even be aware of at times. Whilst there are going to be many good things in our lives, each of us may also have a whole library of life experiences and attitudes, some of which have developed as a means of coping with the troubles and traumas we have had to face. Because we often spend years seeking to protect self, it can be very difficult to let the barriers down and learn to deal with issues by seeking the grace that is already ours through Christ.
Do I want to live as His Son or Daughter?
Sin is the refusal to live as a son or a daughter of God. We know this because the Bible treats sin primarily as a matter of turning away from God and serving other gods, and only secondarily in terms of lists of specific immoral behaviour. Therefore the heart of Christianity is friendship and fellowship with God our Father through the work of His Son and in the power of His Spirit. In light of this we see that the real power in the church is intimacy with God. The expression of that intimacy of fellowship with God is seen in changed lives and a willingness to serve others. People need friends.
Friendship
In the mid 1980’s Brian Keenan (an Irish academic) left Belfast to go and work in the American University of Beirut. Shortly after he arrived four Shiite militiamen kidnapped him, this being the beginning of a four-and-a-half-year ordeal. So how did Brian get through this difficult time?
On his release Keenan spoke of the strength of friendship that he formed with fellow captive John McCarthy despite them being so different from each other. Brian was an English public-school educated journalist, and John was, what he would term, a working-class Irish socialist. Yet on his release Brian made this comment:
“I remember every moment of my time alone, my time with John and with those other captives. And I remember how we first met, our relationship, the kinds of needs I had of John and he of me. And how we sought always to give and take, thinking always of each other. And as I review it all, all the wonder, I see his face stare at mine. I had watched this man grow, become full and in his fullness enrich me.”
God entered our world of pain and suffering in order to offer the hand of forgiveness and reconciliation through the death of His own son. The whole purpose of Covenant is that God could live with us by His Spirit, and bring us into the eternity prepared for those who love Him. In light of this, friendship has to be the heart of true fellowship. We need to seek to make time for and understand one another.
Jesus said, “I have come that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” John 10:10
God knows all about us and still wants to know us. Don’t write off others just because they are not like you; don’t write off others because they do not deal with issues as quickly as you think they should. Get alongside them and be a friend. Earn the right to speak into someone’s life and make sure it is the mind of Christ you are speaking and not your own ideas.
“O LORD, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thought from far away.” Psalm 139:1-2
Time
“An investment banker in the City of London recently agreed with his boss to work nine out of ten working days in every fortnight, thus freeing up every second Friday to walk his children to school and spend the day with his wife. A small change – with big benefits.”
M. Schluter & D.J. Lee in ‘The R Option’ page 29
How much time do we really spend with God – a Father who wants to spend time with us and who has never made a mistake concerning our lives.
Imagine sitting in a conference where a successful lawyer has been asked to speak. Everyone is waiting to hear what insights he can give into the world of law and finance. The lawyer stands up and begins by saying that his family had not been very wealthy, but that every Christmas his Father had given him an envelope. In that envelope was a single sheet of paper with a few words written on it. The words from his father said, “I promise to do my very best to give you an hour of my time every day for the next year- just for the two of us.” The lawyer then goes on to say, “There were a few occasions when I did not get my hour, but on the whole I am able to stand before you today because of that hour – because of the time someone was willing to spend with me.”
People are very important to God, and as His sons and daughters they should also be important to us. Yet relationships are not created in an instant, any more than we can plant a seed and find a fifty-foot oak tree in our garden the next day. Are we willing to make time for people? Relationships can be hard to develop. They require time and effort and a willingness to give out of oneself even when we do not feel like it. If relationships were converted into money right now, then how much money would we have?
One of the main problems with our fast-paced twenty-first century individualistic existence is that we can become too ambitious with the plans we have for our lives. Yet in becoming too ambitious about the plans we have for our lives we often run into difficulty. We find that we have relationships with objects and only objects because we have forgotten the importance of relationships with people. If we are always rushing around then there is another point we may need to note as well: we are not so much rushing around as being rushed around.
One of the many ways any church may fail
Many churches seem to miss the point by putting people into religious training programmes and plans and agendas in order to teach people right doctrine, yet never really get to know people and simply be a friend. Doctrine is very important but is simply an aid to helping us develop our relationship with a heavenly Father who willingly comes alongside us. From this we see that genuine friendship is at the very heart of the gospel, and that we are called to reach out to others with the love we have received.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”
Galatians 5:22-25
If we are not careful there can be a bogus faith in the church where we are good at telling God what needs to be done, but not so good at resting in His presence.
“The prophets distinguished between true and false faith. True faith was real trust in and commitment to the living God. Bogus faith was using the name of that same God to mask all sort of private, self-serving agendas, and in the process playing fast and loose with the person and laws of God.”
D. Keyes in Seeing Through Cynicism, p 158
Why are there so many counselling programmes and self-help programmes in our churches today? We often come up with the answer that it is because more and more people are in need, and there is a certain amount of truth in this. Yet perhaps there is so much counselling because it is easier to put people into a programme than it is to build a friendship. Sometimes it is easier to categorise and compartmentalise people because then we can put them on a shelf and not really have to do anything else. It’s then easier for us to keep our little walls of protection up, and leave them ‘over there.’ All too often we have become so used to living this way and we seek to avoid anything that fells uncomfortable. But whoever said that church did not involve feeling a little uncomfortable at times as God helps us to straighten out our thinking and learn to give self rather than just our words or opinions.
“The mortal wound of psychotherapy occurred when it made objects-to-be-fixed of the people it was trying to help.”
Dr G. May in Simply Sane p 62.
It is all too easy to make snap judgement and categorise people
Look at how Eli the priest so quickly judged Hannah who was fervently praying for a child:
“And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!” 1 Sam 1:12-14
Look at how David’s older brother Eliab simply thought David was a proud insolent young man:
Now Eliab his oldest brother heard when he spoke to the men; and Eliab’s anger was aroused against David, and he said, “Why did you come down here? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your pride and the insolence of your heart, for you have come down to see the battle.” 1 Sam 17:28
Whenever we make snap judgments and pull others down without a second thought we are doing something that Jesus never did. None of us would walk along a road and scrape a key along all the parked cars as we did so. Yet, at times, we so easily damage those who are of far more value than a car, often doing so because of our snap judgments.
“Within my earthly temple there’s a crowd.
There’s one of us that’s humble; one that’s proud.
There’s one who, unrepentant, sits and grins.
There’s one who loves his neighbour as himself,
And one who cares for naught but fame and pelf.
From much corroding care would I be free
If once I could determine which is Me.
Edward Sandford Martin, Mixed.
The power of words
There is the old saying that ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ This is not true. Words do hurt us at times, and it can take a long time to get over them. Yet look at how words are spoken of when under the guidance and inspiration of God.
“Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.”
Proverbs 16:24.
Ann Bird who wrote ‘The Whisper’ was born with facial deformities. When, as a child, children asked here what had happened she was too embarrassed to say she had been born this way and said that she had fallen over as a toddler. Ann spoke about the love of her family, yet often felt on the outside when at school, due to her disfigurement. Yet one day she heard words that changed her life.
When Ann was at school it was customary to have a whisper test to check the hearing of all the children. Each child stood with their face to a wall whilst the teacher stood a few paces behind and whispered something like, “it is a nice day today, “which the child then repeated. So what were the words that Ann said changed her life. The teacher whispered, “I wish you were my little girl.”
“There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.” Proverbs 12:18
Transferring your own poison and frustration
I wonder if we really realise what we are doing when we gossip about others and saying things that are totally unnecessary and often out of spite? What we are doing is transferring some of the poison that is in our lives onto others in order to make ourselves feel better. All too often we pull down others because of unresolved issues in our own lives, and do it to make ourselves feel better as we expand and fill some of our emptiness. Above and beyond all this, we offend God.
A willingness to understand people
“Our speech is laden with all we have accumulated from our histories, families churches and neighbourhoods. Recognising that the very same words carry different and even opposite meaning for people of different cultures and backgrounds can move us toward an understanding of both the fragility and power of speech.”
Peace with Conflict, p 76.
The question we need to be asking ourselves again and again is this: Am I really willing to get to know and understand those around me in my fellowship? We should get to know and listen to people with the purpose of understanding them. Seeking to understand people does not mean we will always agree with them, but since when has the church been about you or I befriending clones of self whist pointing fingers at others?
If we going to genuinely seek to build friendship then we need to be meeting with one another without thinking that we have to counsel everyone into our way of thinking. People are not our projects; they are brothers and sisters made in the image of Christ.
If we are going to genuinely seek to care for people then we must be aware of how easily it is to read others through our experiences and expectations. We must stop painting portraits of each other and allow them to paint a portrait of self, in the context of genuine caring relationships that are rooted and established in Christ by the Spirit.
Those who offend us
Why is it such a surprise to people when brothers and sisters sometimes get it wrong and let them down? We are all on a journey and have a whole host of issues and experiences to deal with as we learn to let our barriers down and take up all that is ours in Christ. We are not going to get it right all the time and it is extremely unfair to place unnecessary pressure on those around us and expect them to get it right all the time.
In light of this please remember something the next time you walk away from someone whose let you down or maybe said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Please remember that when we separate ourselves off from others simply because they have said something we did not like then we are often reveal more of the problems within ourselves than anything else. Yet we, who can keep away from others so easily, are those who have been forgiven by God who sent His Son into a dysfunctional, rebellious world with the offer of life. In forgetting this we become nearsighted and blind (2 Peter 1:5-9). In acting the wrong way we sometimes reveal an invisible wall that we have built around our own lives. We hide behind this wall, and sometimes sit on top of it as we throw stones down on others. Yet in confronting our issues and asking God to help us obey Him, we will find all the power and ability that we need to live the right way. Think about this as you read the following.
Ruby Bridges was six years old in 1960 when she began attending the traditionally all-white Frantz School in New Orleans. Her presence as an African-American was part of an effort to integrate the city’s educational institutions. When she entered the first grade, all the white students boycotted the school in protest. Ruby faithfully attended school each day, though all alone. When she arrived each morning she would be greeted on the street by an angry mob of whites yelling obscenities at her and threatening to kill her. When she left in the afternoon the mob again surrounded her with their obscenities and threats. Federal marshals escorted her to and from the mob.
With the guidance and support of her family and church, Ruby chose not to return kind for kind. Instead, as she told child psychiatrist Robert Coles, she often prayed for the white mob on the street.
One morning, Ruby briefly passed in the midst of the mob on her way into school. Her teacher, watching through the window, saw her lips move. The teacher reported this to Coles. That evening, Coles met with Ruby in her home and asked her what she had said on the street. She said that she had been praying. When pressed further by Coles as to what she had said in her prayer, she replied, “Please, dear God forgive them, because they don’t’ know what they are doing.”
C. Schrock-Shenk and L Resler in, ‘Making Peace With Conflict’, p 80.
The danger within
We would all like to think that the violence and hurtful words that are so often seen in our society are something we would never find in ourselves; yet deep down we know that this is not true. However there is hope, because God is more than willing to help us deal with what self has become due to sin. We are called to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom 12:2) and this will only come about insofar as we are really willing to give ourselves over to God, no matter how small and vulnerable this may make us feel.
We are all on a journey and need to recognise that gaining information about God does not necessarily mean we will change. After all, many people can quote Bible verses, and yet display the same wrong attitudes year in and year out. We need to want to change and to do this we must be honest with self and seek God for all He is. Look at the parable of the Tax Collector in Luke 18 and note that it is the Tax Collector that Jesus said would be raised up (v14). This Tax Collector was honest about himself, and aware that he could do nothing to bring about lasting change in his own strength – but he called out to God and found help. God will nurture us, and challenge us, so that we can grow. Surely this is an encouragement?
“Listen, O heavens, and I will speak; hear, O earth, the words of my mouth. My teaching will drop like the rain, my sayings will drip like the dew, as rain drops upon the grass, and showers upon new growth. For I will proclaim the name of the Lord; you must acknowledge the greatness of our God. As for the Rock, his work is perfect, for all his ways are just. He is a reliable God who is never unjust, he is fair and upright.”
Deuteronomy 32:1-4
There is plenty to think about in what we have looked at, yet iin closing we note the full impact of the Hebrew words (translation by Jeff Benner) contained in the Aaronic blessing (Numbers 6:24-26)…
“Yahweh will kneel before you presenting gifts, and he will guard you with a hedge of protection. Yahweh will illuminate the wholeness of his being toward you, bringing order, and he will provide you with love, sustenance, and friendship. Yahweh will lift up the wholeness of his being and look upon you, and he will set in place all you need to be whole and complete.”
Let us seek to be all that the Lord would have us be in friendship and fellowship with one another. Let us seek to be open, honest and willing to be vulnerable before our heavenly Father in all things so that we may be all that He calls us to be to one another. Be blessed, and be a blessing.
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